Recently I've been thinking about the book, "He's Just Not That Into You," I remember reading it years ago when it was first introduced. I often refer to it whenever I find myself talking to a new guy, I suppose to mainly compare my situation to those mentioned in the book. In that and my obvious loyalty, I just began to wonder if the book really helped women or sabotaged what could've been some good relationships. Granted the topics in the book are pretty common sense, but it is true when you really like someone you're more willing to ignore or tolerate obvious signs in hopes of your own paranoia. Admittedly though, I can't help but think it's the small obvious, common sense things, which are sometimes overlooked, that cause millions of women to end up with their hearts broken. I mean in accordance with all issues mentioned, in even good relationships is there ever an excusable excuse? I imagine the perfect relationship to be one of complete openness; in which case there'd be no need for excuses. BUT I also think it takes time to get to that point in a relationship. People rarely respond to someone who lays EVERYTHING out on the line from jump street- that's frequently referred to as crazy. Relationships are hard and for the most part don't become great overnight. So with all the relationship books about unacceptable excuses and gender specific traits, are they really helping us build a relationship or sabotaging them?
Obviously there's a reason this has been on my mind and in fact my situation led me to sit down and crack open the book just to see if I myself have been placed in that fool category. While I sat there reading my particular chapter, I wondered about the stipulations, if any, to these "rules." Do these only count during a certain time frame? Can you really truly be too busy sometimes? Does locations and occupation matter? Doesn't family always trump boyfriend/girlfriend? Normally in conversations with friends I like playing Devil's Advocate, trying to poke holes in people's thoughts or most of the time just getting them to see the other side. In this case I wonder if I'm playing Devil's Advocate or just making up my own excuses. It seems like people in happy relationships are constantly working at them- I rarely ever hear someone say it's effortless. As I stated before I do believe in the issues in "He's Just Not That Into You," which is obvious since I still use it as my dating cliff notes, but I can't help but think sometimes there is a logical reason for certain excuses. I suppose it is that stubbornness and my loyalty to the book's accuracy that has led me to ponder what to believe in.
I think about my parents, who have been married for 40 years without the help of any books, shows or advice than I look at my friends who were married but now divorced. I'm curious if they really fell out of love or just got some bad advice. I'm an optimist and believe once you fall in love you never fall out of it. I think that's why I believe no one ever forgets their first love or their first crush for that matter. Unfortunately my feeling isn't shared by everyone, hence the large divorce rate as well as my fear of falling in love, because I'm convinced my heart will be broken...but that's neither here nor there. I think in the grand scheme of everything, despite the fabulousity of one's life, everyone's looking for that one person to truly fall in love with, otherwise what's the purpose of enduring the agony of dating. Two of my favorite movies are Serendipity and Love Actually, one which I spent Friday night curled on my couch watching. I think Serendipity the most because it encompasses the idea of fate, which is an optimist's Achilles' heel. At any case, I adore the journey to find their respective love and the concept they pose of just knowing that person's the one- no one goes to counseling or seeks out love advice, they just know. Of course I do realize these are just movies, but they surround the one thing in the world that it seems no one truly understands- love. With all of this in mind I'm intrigued by an interesting thought, if we're all so busy listening to everyone else are we sometimes failing to listen to our own hearts.
